screaming on a hill

 i don't feel like thinking more and more. i don't know if xanje destroy my brain. or im giving up but i still feel like i neeed another blogsite. and and i don't have a new name. it s bothering me i don't recall every name i ever used. even changing the name so many times from mirc. but going back to the past is bad. and i can't live without this kind of putting every thought on line. i got rid of axel in my head, and since july or august have been having  myclonic jerks multiple times everytnight. 3 in the ear, a min appart, then maybe 5 min appart i feel a jump scare starte, then maybe a 7 min a muscle twitch and sometimes it mixes up but this is repete many times every time. and i'ts so hard and i tried to be calm and not think one night, and this happend. or maybe respidone damage? my surgery removing the tissue expander and partacath. and i have these insurance things to do, and i dont udnertsand.

 i feeel like my nostalgia anxety is worse and i get a heart jump even without waiting to sleeep. although that is an anxiety and frustration that might make that the only way to get better is quit the internet. and i can't ;live without it, and not just that it's easy to pay bills and do my banking