screaming on a hill

 I keep ruminating and inner monologing, scripting on rapid repeat and I forget what I was going to put here.  anway. in the late 90's some friends of mine had a sleep over at their mother. their mother was into weird spirtual things, crystal healing and such. with a Kerskin's ESP board (and some protection prayer I had thrown away some years ago, it contained phrases like "we surround ourselves in white light") they came into contact with an (Incan?) girl named Kolisp. somehow she knew ff7's Sephiroth(who's last name is something like Kaiytaki kyutaki?). we eventualy befriended what were various "spirits" of fictional characters and went a romantic rout. I was not paying attintion to Saga Fronteir's Ildon being gay and blind, but I feel for that green haired Mystic. well he wound up being evil, an imposter. I think Mike was his name. maybe Mike was another being. he tried hurting those friends, and one of our group of friends had his (spirit com...

  I killed off parts of my self. once in middle school and I don't "sing anymore". and at age 17 because I didn't feel like I was growing up much. I invisioned invicerating a Goldilocks looking character. and then ...uh. I wasn't the same. is that ultra masking? it's just a smoldering hole. I assume one should be a little over the top when role playing, and not drull "yes I want to grab the sword, please give dice" and not, sit there and act like I'm telling a story. I couldn't do that. maybe in text, role play chat rooms. or if I ever have to entertain a child. "i ain't playing dolls with ya kid" or, the singing, just sit on a bus and just make up lyrics on the fly. and be jovial about it. the singing embrassed a friend. I also had this giant feather duster in my locker when at middle school. I would pretend it jumped out at me and I fight it. nobody found it amuzing, so I stoped.