weekend

 I think a lot of my inner monolouging and preparing conversations spiked when I got the internet, back in the inside the web days of the gryphon's guild. as the togetherness of community seemed to set up the idea people care about the members and what they need to say. a "hey I was away for 3 days because vacation, here is what happened"

I was going to do that in this echo chamber about going to Ontario from friday to monday, but now I don't . and I hope I stop preparing and rerembering this. it was ok. my mom wanted to see her husband and his family. there were some mishaps in travel, and him forgetting he can't come to Niagra with us in the car, because we were leaving after Niagra. my mom can't drive him home 2 hours away, then take 2 hours back, when it takes 5 or 6 hours to get back to New Jersey.


we ate at a buffet where you order from an Ipad. we got to much food and I feel so bad I did not eat all we ordered(my choice for my self). the chemotherapty from last year diminished my appitite.

I forgot to buy some kinder suprises.

the visit was nice. I just can't feel the excitment of new adventure. but it's normal to always feel dead inside.

I'm just down and overwhelmed that I should move there with her, but I know nothing about residency, getting whatever is the equivlent of SSI disablity in Canada and worries about a consistant life. how I can get to meet people, getting my medical records transfered. getting my own friends if I don't want to make all her husband's family my new friends. if I should just not deal with her and stop going to a doctor for every little thing as well as just not go do anything with what I feel is poor mental health

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