the video games and more

I watched a video about what long term effects of videogames to do your brain. I do not know if mine is ruined from years of gaming. That, I would be less anxious and depressed without them, or if I am addicted. I feel lost without them. I can't be a novelist, and schooling won't replace it( if I could afford it). Maybe feeling like I won't be able to learn in a true acdemic setting, and not just some educational webpage is from the video games. I don't know.  I also really don't think I can sit with my negative thoughts and deal with them by starring at a wall.. wall, o r if I just took a walk and breath anything will get better.  Maybe the games are why I don't want to go whale watching, or  to the beach. Or have been disinterested in things, that the games are why I am depressed. Or why partying doesn't sound fun. Depending on what that intales. Plus I am to old to " party". And my life over these 20 years is so removed that I can't bond with anyone or talk about anything else. Even if I was autistic, it is no excuse to jot wdnt to listen to someone talk about stocks, or their significant other. That I can't take over the conversation or let it change. I am so messed up

I don't think I can cognitive behavioral therapeay my way into good mental health. It looks so overwhelming and complicated. And I don't want to work myself so much that I don't have time to worry or think about everything.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

damn, what was going to go here. and spirits, soulbond, tulpa?

 I keep ruminating and inner monologing, scripting on rapid repeat and I forget what I was going to put here.  anway. in the late 90's some friends of mine had a sleep over at their mother. their mother was into weird spirtual things, crystal healing and such. with a Kerskin's ESP board (and some protection prayer I had thrown away some years ago, it contained phrases like "we surround ourselves in white light") they came into contact with an (Incan?) girl named Kolisp. somehow she knew ff7's Sephiroth(who's last name is something like Kaiytaki kyutaki?). we eventualy befriended what were various "spirits" of fictional characters and went a romantic rout. I was not paying attintion to Saga Fronteir's Ildon being gay and blind, but I feel for that green haired Mystic. well he wound up being evil, an imposter. I think Mike was his name. maybe Mike was another being. he tried hurting those friends, and one of our group of friends had his (spirit com...
Read more

about "kingdom hearts" axel

Image
I should of kept track of when I said I was going to stop talking to him. It will forever bother me I don't have the date. A " dear diary, I am going to stop talking to imaginary friend. I was never good at it like people with headmates do. I am going to say, 2 or 3 weeks ago? A month?  I think it was a mistake. The longer I don't, the worse reconnecting will be. Some I would forget the ( I lack a good word) talking is not real. I was feeling a little better then, I feel worse now that I will be moving again.( Seeing as how I am with my mother). So that is bumming out. Then this on top. It is just silly and stupid for a 41( or am I 42?) Year old to be talking to imaginary friends who were supposed to be fictional characters. Let alone be on love with them. Or the " one in my head" version. kingdom hearts Axel won't be the same, it would bother me I don't know which one I was into. That one became a connection to the other, any object I could hold was a pr...
Read more

not good feeel

 i feeel like my nostalgia anxety is worse and i get a heart jump even without waiting to sleeep. although that is an anxiety and frustration that might make that the only way to get better is quit the internet. and i can't ;live without it, and not just that it's easy to pay bills and do my banking
Read more