the video games and more

I watched a video about what long term effects of videogames to do your brain. I do not know if mine is ruined from years of gaming. That, I would be less anxious and depressed without them, or if I am addicted. I feel lost without them. I can't be a novelist, and schooling won't replace it( if I could afford it). Maybe feeling like I won't be able to learn in a true acdemic setting, and not just some educational webpage is from the video games. I don't know.  I also really don't think I can sit with my negative thoughts and deal with them by starring at a wall.. wall, o r if I just took a walk and breath anything will get better.  Maybe the games are why I don't want to go whale watching, or  to the beach. Or have been disinterested in things, that the games are why I am depressed. Or why partying doesn't sound fun. Depending on what that intales. Plus I am to old to " party". And my life over these 20 years is so removed that I can't bond with anyone or talk about anything else. Even if I was autistic, it is no excuse to jot wdnt to listen to someone talk about stocks, or their significant other. That I can't take over the conversation or let it change. I am so messed up

I don't think I can cognitive behavioral therapeay my way into good mental health. It looks so overwhelming and complicated. And I don't want to work myself so much that I don't have time to worry or think about everything.

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